I lied, again
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I woke up at 9.30 yesterday, (alright, it's tuesday 12.59am, but right now at this moment, it feels like a Monday to me. Oh wells, if you have not already noticed, I treat both days the exact same day if I don't sleep the day before. I mean, most of us feel that way right?) and gave a 3-hour tuition. I reached school at around 3 and was caught by MH. She reprimanded me as she thought that I shouldn't be 'wasting time sleeping' and should only have 6-hour of sleep a day. I know where she is coming from. This is a period where we art students should be rushing out our prepboards at home. It only seems alright if and only if we are doing our prepboards till late night the night before. I wanted to tell her the truth- that I didn't oversleep, I was giving tuition. (I couldn't say that I was having tuition, cause right now, tuition is somewhat deem as 'wasting time' too. In fact, she warned/hinted me that I should skip my tuition for art; yes I did once or twice) So the lie was that I sleep the entire day- more than 8 hours of sleep huh?
I lied cause I didn't have a choice, did i?
Today, I slept at 5am in the morning. I have no idea why I didn't wake up at 7am despite reminding myself the night(morning) before turning in. I had cramps at 9 and I hate myself for ignoring the 'sign.'
Guess what? The next moment when I woke up it was already 2.30pm! Never in my life did I ever sleep past 12 noon. Never hated myself so much. and I mean my words. I hate myself. really.
I rushed out and returned back home as I realised I forgotten about my painting. I came out and decided to wait for bus 82 (to serangoon) as the sun was scorching~ and I hate to swear esp when I am wearing my spectacles. Waited for 20 mins before realising that the bus was out of service. How dumb can I get?
Took the train and received a sms from MH and I reached Serangoon. To avoid being mistaken that I was a lazy pig for 2 conservative days, I lied again. saying that I had tuition in the morning. I bet she knows that I am lying. I bet she hates me.
Well, I guess so as I told her that my tuition is only math. I did not tell her that sometimes my math tutor asks me to join the physics class as well. How? MH dislike me now.
My mood is worsen when I read SQ's tumblr. She mentioned that MH gave her jagabee and sweets. I don't fancy over the gift. Just wondering why the love i receive is a little different. period.
I am a bad student. And I don't think I deserve anything. But sometimes, I pity myself. Sometimes I only get a maximum of 4 to 5 hours of sleep everyday. (In fact I think it's weird to have a min of 8 hours of sleep). Maybe I just wish that someone could pity me. But I know no one will ever pity me. Not worth it. right?
If there's someone I need to hate in this world, I guess I would say: myself. Because I don't live up to other people's expectation. I let people down.
- v says that she treats birthday very seriously. she counts the number of real friends she has with the no of presents she receives on her birthday? Why and how come these kind of people exist on earth? i don't understand
- I don't think i have real JC friends. maybe only shiquan?
- I think people don't really like me. I think they think i am lousy. Not useful to them in any form.
- I don't know if I can make it for art deadline. more quality drawings/paintings. Give me strength.
- I wish I can cry easily and publicly so people can understand that I actually have feelings and will break down too
- I told ernie that I don't think i can find a bf. he told me to take it slowly
Changed on the 12th of December 2008