People judge you regardless of who you are and what you do.
so, just be proud of yourself.

I see no point in hiding what I want to do in life.
I thought I wanted to be a doctor. (Still do. But more of a red cross member! :) )
I thought I liked art.
I thought I wanted to be an animator.
I thought I wanted to be a math teacher.
I thought I wanted to a news reporter/ newscaster.
I'm still indecisive.

I received my uni letter from NTU yesterday and another from NUS today.
My mum is a woman who is unlike most parents out there. She understands that doing what you like and staying happy is more important than studying (to a certain extent). well, she had this valuable lesson from me. The story goes like this: When I was in P4, she was just like another other "suaku" parents who wanted her child to take up Higher Chinese and to be in the top class. Being second in class did not satisfy her. She wanted me to be more than that. She compared my marks with neighbour's kids, with people from other classes. I was so stressed up that I wanted to commit suicide. Apparently she found my diary and realised her mistake (after scolding me).

Feared that I might have any suicide thoughts (again), she told me that 'it's okay'. But what came after that revealed how much she wished that this didn't happen. It was obvious to me that she very much wanted to show off to relatives and friends (even doing relief teaching was glory .. wts) that her daughter is now in a local uni. She structured and gave me a few sets of examples of how I should explain my pathetic state, should any KPO people were to ask about my uni stuff.

I truly understand where she's coming from. A mother who is not rich, not educated and has a family no where near good. A mother who has four kids.. and all are weak in studies and not that we are elites in any other aspects too, so we are practically useless. When she realised that JC students have higher chance of getting into a uni, her ego boosted (ever since I got into NYJC). So I guess my mum has pinned some hope on me and is (almost) utterly disappointed that she can't boast around anymore. yea, not that my future is 'ruined' but she can't brag about it anymore.

I count myself fortunate that my dad doesn't insist (hasn't spoken to me) on taking over the family business. I am still free from this shit. Thank god. (okay actually my dad wants me to be part of P*P. wut)

I wish to do my parents proud despite that they didn't save up enough for my uni fee/no plan for me (I wonder if they actually know that JC kids have higher chance of entering a uni) and would drag to everyone (can't they be more humble?). My mum told me to work and save up to pay for my uni fee. Understood. She explained to me that she didn't have enough money for my tuition fee (maybe except a few K). understood. The finale came. She told me that she thought of sending brother to AUS to study. well, thank you mum. I have to think of my tuition fee myself (for both local and overseas) but u can afford bro's AUS uni fee? You have done a incredible parenting job. I'm extremely grateful.

*abrupt end*
Continuing tmr. This is too devastating.